From Nikola Tesla: “There is another, stranger aspect regarding emotional pain that may be another reason why men in particular, who are always watchful for things that might make them feel smaller or lesser, tend to avoid examining their emotional pain: the peculiar truth that you can become attached to emotional pain for hidden reasons. This is strange, scary and spooky for anyone that has resisted understanding emotions in the first place: not only are these volatile, powerful and inexplicable things called “feelings” strange and unusual to begin with, they often have emotional payoffs that keep the feelings in place whether you want them held inside of not.
“For those that are familiar with the saying, “You’d rather be right than happy,” this kind of statement is one of the ways to perceive those hidden motivations that keep feelings of hurt and emotions of anger right close to you. If you believe that the only way to be a satisfactory human being is to always have the right answer, do the right thing, be the only one that knows the right way and so on, then you will cling to any emotions of rage, outrage, hurt and bitterness that you can: you need the fuel these emotions and feelings provide you in order to reassure yourself that you are on top, in control and therefore acceptable to that inner part of you that judges you with the ancient, draconian sentences of shame for not being perfect enough.
“And that is the real reason why emotions are scary to many: too many negative emotions are wrapped up, as though in barbed wire, in feelings or fears of inadequacy which, of course, are anathema for those of you that must know for sure and for certain that you are always on the top, in control and definitely more than adequate. Again, this shows how powerful and perilous becoming vulnerable can be, yet the hidden fear of inadequacy is not the only hidden reason why you might cling to negative emotions.”